Birthday Card.

Every year, without fail, you would hand me a Hallmark birthday card around January 6.
It always had the words, “Happy birthday my daughter,” somewhere on the cover or inside of the card.
You would have Mom and David sign their names after all the Hallmark sappy verbiage, too.
No other notes or phrases were written on the card- just the three names.

As a gift, you would also sneak in a couple of Jacksons inside the card and that was always a treat.
You always told me to spend my money wisely and to not spend it on foolish things like expensive clothes and purses. Or shoes and materialistic things. But you always told me to save my money for emergencies and to never be frugal about feeding myself and buying books for school.  I justified my clothing purchases because I had to wear outfits to school. Though you would never roll your eyes in front of me, I knew you were wondering how on earth you ended up with a ridiculous daughter like me. I remember buying you a belt for Christmas one year, and as if it was your most boastful article of clothing, you wore it every day for the next four years. I never told you in person but I did save a lot. I will use it to give to my future children and tell them the same exact thing you always told me. But I wouldn’t be shy to roll my eyes in front of them.

I wish I was as thoughtful as you were. The last year we could have celebrated your birthday, I forgot to even call you. The guilt still pierces my heart. I hope you know that and I am so, so, very sorry. It was the first time I could tell you were hurt by me and I hate myself for doing that to you. But you were quick to forgive and the next month you still handed me a Hallmark card before I left for school again.

I wish you could have handed me a birthday card a few weeks ago. I think of how selfish I am and wish you were still here. This time around, I would be able to give you a Hallmark card with some Jacksons in them.
But life usually doesn’t pan out the way you want it to and instead, you are thankful for the memories and hold onto what you hope to pass on in the future.